Farrah's Little Place in the Blogosphere

My Dream…11.15.09

November 15th, 2009 |

Author: Farrah

I had a dream that woke me up crying this morning.

I am a firm believer that dreams often tell us things we need to know in order to better understand ourselves.

Yes, I realize that sometimes they’re quite far-fetched and “out there” BUT if you really look deep into the dream, often you’ll find something from it.

This dream seems to be one of those far-fetched and “out there” ones or perhaps not really?

Here are the scenes I remember…

1) I’m at a trailer where I meet old friends who’ve recently died. I understand that they are dead but I’m talking to them as if they were still alive. I’m telling them I had thought of them often but hadn’t had the chance to be around much because things have been chaotic. They’re looking at me sadly and almost angry like, saying that I chose not to be around.

[Boy do I feel like crap, especially all the people I've not been in as good of contact with lately.]

I’m leaving these old friends to go to my car. When I get in I realize there is a couple in the back messing with car parts (why the back “trunk” area I’m not sure…sporty foreign car perhaps?). I tell them I’m sorry and try to jump out as if I was afraid to have messed up whatever they were doing. They tell me not to worry and to drive to see if my car is drives alright. I drive a bit and then tell them my breaks feel loose. I’m pushing the pedal all the way down but it’s not stopping as it should, just slowing down a bit. They look at each other and then to an older man. I tell them that my husband kept promising he’d fix it but never did (I get this feeling that I’ve somehow lost him). The older man hands me a gun and I automatically just walk over to this other home to hand it to another man who wipes it clean. Apparently he was a man I was not happy with for some reason relating to my husband and everyone’s surprised I didn’t do anything but hand him the gun. Then I walk away…

[Why on earth would I have a gun and hand it to someone to clean?! WTH?!
I'm a bit baffled by this scene.]

2) I’m now in some sort of cafeteria but it’s so angel or faery like (I told you…out there!). Everyone’s an angel or faery (minus the wings…how I knew they were these and “special” I have no clue…I just did). One of them is in line ahead of me and says he gets drunk feeling from whatever he is given to drink and the others look at him oddly because he’s the only one who gets this affect. It’s my turn and I apparently choose to get a chocolate milk shake and I’m looked at as oddly as the other guy.

I take my drink and tray and stand there looking for a place to sit. I find a spot only to have these female “angels/faeries” snub me and stare at me as if I was odd and didn’t belong.

[I REALLY feel out of place and the odd thing is that I felt so light
and relieved when I first came into this scene.]

3) Still with these “special” ones…now I’m in some sort of hospital like setting and there is a male in a bed hooked up to wires and machines. All of a sudden he gets this surge of inner power and breaks free from everything and the others are running to the room to get them. I’m just standing there and staring. He looks at me as he jumps up into the ceiling and gets away real fast.

[Why is he looking at me?
Is he trying to tell me I need to break away from what's restraining me?]

4) Now I’m on this river and one of the “special” females that snubbed me earlier is complaining that we have this test to complete. I’m not like one of them she says so we won’t be able to complete it. I’m angry all of a sudden for feeling not good enough. Then all of a sudden I’m on this sailboat and I sail quickly by and grab her and her cart (weird, a cart…not that it hasn’t been weird so far). I suppose out of determination for not feeling incapable I went “out of the box” and grabbed her so we could complete the test. We’ve completed it but she’s still upset with me and I don’t understand since we completed the task.

[Perhaps me taking charge and just doing without working as a team was why she was upset?
But then she made me feel inferior. I wonder what this all means...]

5) Now I’m in this office area. It’s me, my mentor, a “high priestess or goddess”, her assistant, and these “special ones” waiting outside her office. There’s this other guy who’s playing some sort of drinking game with liquor. He makes someone do some sort of trick of drink and toss then has them answer a question that the “high priestess or goddess” and her assistant are listening to (including all of us others waiting outside the main office). It’s so weird I’m thinking in my dream.

Then my name is called out. I’m asked or rather told to “Ask for a promotion even though I’ve just started here and convince them to give it to you.”

I get up from where I’m sitting and grab this phone to speak into as the assistant who I’m to speak to is in the main office. I say to her on the phone, “I know I’m new to this job and there are still things I need to learn but I am a fast learner and feel I should be promoted.” The assistant on the other end tells me that she just doesn’t know if that would be good. I proceed to tell her, “But it would be good for the company and for me. Whatever it is that I must do, I know that I can do it and do it well. I am so confident in this that should I fail, then let me go because obviously I wasn’t meant to work for you.” She’s quiet and then I get up to sit back where I was.

As I walk back to where I once was sitting near my mentor, everyone looks at me with sadness and perhaps a little anger in their eyes. Even my mentor is looking at me with great sadness. I don’t understand this and sit there as she smooths my hair with her hand. I try to get up to say something again to defend why I said what I said. She grabs my arm and tells me to stop.

I turn to her with tears in my eyes and say,”You know I had to convince them to promote me. That is what I was asked to do. You’ve always known unlike the others that I would do anything I had to for my children. I am so determined and a hard worker because of them. I only have them (my husband apparently is no longer with me like in the beginning).” I’m crying real hard as I speak to her.

She looks at me with tears in her eyes and tells me to be quiet because I don’t know what I was asking for in asking for a promotion. Again, I’m confused…I look at her and say, “If it’s something unethical then of course I can not do it and must leave for I’d never kill another or sell my body. I will work things out and find something to help me and my children. But if not, I am confident I can do whatever is required of me.”

I’m then called into the “high priestess’/goddess’” office and asked to close the door. I’m nervous now. She asks me, “Why did you not tell the others that you had children when you were first brought on? Why didn’t you say that you would risk anything for them?” I tell her, “because most companies want to know you are a hard worker and determined. They feel that children can get in the way even though I feel differently. I feel that my children give me that drive to work harder, harder for them.” I continue to tell her, “my son is sick and I must do what I need to for him. I have a daughter too and we are all that we have of each other. “

She looks at me hard and then compassion comes over her face. She tells me to leave. I leave but I’m afraid.

In the office, she turns to her assistant who asks her what shall become of me. Am I to be let go or taken care of (at this point, I’m thinking to myself, does that mean assassination)?

She turns away from her assistant and says,”She reminds me of who I once was many years ago. The drive and determination that comes from love. Bring her children here and set them all up appropriately. Then bring her back to me.”

All I remember next is my son being set up in one of the hospital rooms and my daughter sitting near the bed.

[Could this high priestess/goddess been me from who I once was?
Perhaps I've lost that drive and determination I once had?]

Then I wake up…

What are your thoughts?
What do you see within this dream outside the “out there” elements?
Something for me to think about now for sure…

TODAY’S MOOD: In thought…